


you'd laugh and call me tragic

by fransunflower



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bittersweet Ending, Character Death, Children, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:54:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28482711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fransunflower/pseuds/fransunflower
Summary: She’s been gone for a year, but nothing has been able to fill the hole she left behind.
Relationships: Danny Concannon/C. J. Cregg
Comments: 18
Kudos: 18





	you'd laugh and call me tragic

**Author's Note:**

> I was watching Mary Poppins and there's a song called "A Conversation" and it inspired me to write this. I apologise in advance.   
> This is for Liv. Sorry, Liv.

_This house is crowded now with questions  
And John's a walking questionnaire  
And I could surely use a few suggestions  
On how to brush our daughter's hair  
When Georgie needed explanations  
You always knew just what to say  
And I miss our family conversations  
It's silent, since you went away_

Danny woke up before his alarm went off. He always did. Or was it still called waking up when he had barely slept at all? He stopped lying down. That’s what he would call it. Danny rolled over so he was facing C.J.’s side.

“Good morning, darling,” he mumbled, before dragging himself out of bed. He jumped into the shower, letting the cold water wake him up.

When he entered the kitchen, he could hear the twins’ hushed voices coming from their room. He smiled to himself when he heard Annabelle giggle and John laugh along with her. Danny got out five plates from the cupboard and placed them on the table. But then he remembered. She wasn’t there anymore. She didn’t need a plate. He left it though. Just for a moment. But when he heard tiny footsteps coming towards the kitchen, he hurriedly put it away.

“Daddy!” Georgie, exclaimed as he ran towards Danny, his arms outstretched.

“Hello, little man,” Danny said and lifted him up, placing the six-year-old on his hip.

“I fought dragons in my sleep,” Georgie told him and balled his hands into tiny fists.

“You did?” Danny asked as he put Georgie down into his chair.

“Mhm.” Georgie nodded eagerly. “I was very brave.” Danny messed up his son’s blonde hair as he waked by.

“I’m sure you were.” Danny walked out of the kitchen and down the hall. Annabelle’s door was wide open, and it was clear that she had snuck into John’s room like she did so often when she couldn’t sleep. _Before_ , C.J. had been the one to comfort Annabelle when she had nightmare’s but now the girl turned to her brother. Danny stopped in front of John’s room. He could hear the children talking to each other quietly and he didn’t want to disturb them.

“Tell meeeee,” he could hear Annabelle moan. “It’s not fair. You can’t say you like someone and then not tell me _who it iiiiiis_.”

“I don’t want you to make fun,” John mumbled.

“I won’t, I promise,” she said. “Pinky promise.” She sounded so much like C.J. in that moment it was almost too much to bear. Danny knocked in the door and carefully opened it, sticking his head inside.

“Good morning,” he said and was met by two bright smiles. Annabelle’s curls were messy like C.J.’s had been the day Danny met her for the first time. He remembered C.J. standing on the campaign bus, sharing the details of Jed Bartlet’s schedule with them. He had raised his hand and asked some ridiculous question just to annoy her and she had looked like she was about to rip his head off.

“Morning, Daddy,” Annabelle said then, ripping Danny out of his thoughts. “John likes someone, but he won’t tell me who it is!”

“ _Annabelle!_ ” John exclaimed and turned bright red.

“What?” she asked innocently.

“You’re not supposed to tell,” John said and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Sorry,” Annabelle mumbled, though she didn’t look sorry at all.

“Annabelle be nice to your brother,” Danny said and his daughter gasped loudly in protest.

“I am nice,” she insisted.

“Sure.”

Annabelle frowned at John, her eyebrows almost touching.

“Say I’m nice,” she demanded. John looked at her, considering this for a moment.

“Fine. You’re nice,” he told her. A self-satisfied smile crept onto her face and she nodded happily.

“I’ll make breakfast,” Danny told them. “You coming?” The twins immediately jumped out of bed and raced each other down the hall. 

“I made it first,” Danny heard Annabelle yell triumphantly.

“Not true!” John insisted.

“So true!”

“You cheated!”

Danny smiled to himself as he followed them into the kitchen. Georgie was playing with his plastic dinosaur on the table, making it talk to his teddy. Annabelle and John sat in their usual chairs and seemed to be kicking each other underneath the table.

“Ey!” Danny said. “Stop that.” Both of them stopped immediately and Annabella sat up a little straighter.

“He started it,” she mumbled.

“I didn’t!” John snapped. “Daddy, I didn’t.”

“I don’t care who started it,” Danny said and got out the ingrediencies he needed for his pancakes. He could see Annabelle stick out her tongue at her brother out of the corner of his eye and smiled to himself. John forcefully looked the other way and watched Georgie play with his toys. “Aunt Donna and Uncle Josh are coming over today,” Danny told the kids as he mixed the eggs in with the flour. Georgie’s head snapped up, a bright smile on his face.

“I love Aunt Donna,” he exclaimed. “She always plays with me and my dinosaurs.”

“I thought Nana and Pops were coming for dinner,” Annabelle said as Danny flipped the first pancake.

“They are. But Uncle Josh and Aunt Donna said they would be in town, so I told them to come as well,” Danny explained. Annabelle nodded and played with her hair.

“Daddy, what’s the date?” she asked then.

“The fourth. Why?” Danny didn’t look at her when he said this. He couldn’t.

“No reason,” the girl mumbled but Danny knew exactly why she had asked. Danny placed the first pancake on her plate.

“I miss her,” John mumbled. Danny turned around to look at his son. He had Danny’s hair and eyes but his smile was all C.J..

“Mommy?” Georgie asked and hugged his teddy. John nodded. “Me too,” the younger boy whispered.

“Do you miss her, Daddy?” Annabelle asked. Her eyes were shiny with tears but she didn’t cry.

“Every day,” Danny told her. “Every single day.” Annabelle looked at her father for a moment before getting out of her chair and walking over to him. She wrapped her tiny arms around his waist and hugged him tightly. Danny stroked her head and then kneeled down so he was on her level. “It’s okay to be sad,” he said as a single tear rolled down his daughter’s cheek. Danny wiped it away with his thumb and kissed her forehead. Annabelle stood a little taller then and sniffed as she walked back to her seat.

They were mostly quiet for the rest of their breakfast. When they were done, Danny told the kids to get ready and made his way into what once had been his and C.J.’s bedroom. He sat down on the bed and let his face rest in his hands for a moment. Everything in this house reminded him of C.J.. He could see her standing in the kitchen making coffee or on the sofa, fully asleep with some terrible romcom playing on the TV. He often asked himself why he hadn’t sold the house after she died. Surely it would have made moving on much easier. But he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Because as much as it pained him this was the house where he had proposed to her. Right in this very bedroom. It hadn’t been romantic like he originally intended. One night, when they were lying in bed together, he had just decided that he didn’t want to wait anymore.

“C.J.?,” he whispered, thinking she might have fallen asleep already. She lifted her head to look at him.

“Yeah?” she said.

“Marry me?”

Her eyes widened and her mouth fell slightly open.

“What?” she said, although Danny knew she had heard him perfectly well.

“Will you marry me?” Danny repeated.

“Danny…” For a moment, he thought she was going to say no. But she didn’t. A giant smile spread on her and she looked like she was about to cry. “Yes. Yes, I’ll marry.” She kissed him then, and Danny felt like the luckiest man in the world.

“I know it’s not some fancy proposal- I was going to do that on our anniversary but I just thought it was so silly to wait that long and- and I know I should have gotten down on one knee or organized a flash mop or something but-”

“Danny,” she interrupted his rambling. “I don’t care. I don’t care about any of that.” Danny got out of bed before she could say anything else and fumbled to find the ring he had hidden in his sock drawer.

“I did get you this though,” he told her and opened the small box. “If you don’t like it, we can go to the shop and you can pick a different one.” C.J. playfully smacked his arm.

“Shut up, Danny, I love it.” Danny slipped it onto her finger and gently kissed her knuckles. Their eyes met and even in the dark Danny could see the tears in C.J.’s eyes. Danny moved closer to C.J. and put one hand on her cheek the other on her waist. He gently kissed her lips and C.J. smiled as she leaned in closer. “I love you, Danny Concannon,” she whispered.

“C.J…. you have no idea,” Danny laughed and kissed her forehead. C.J. ran her fingers through Danny’s hair before scooting down on the bed, her head resting on Danny’s chest.

“Danny?” C.J. asked without looking up.

“Yeah?” Danny’s hand was running up and down her side.

“Is this because…” C.J. paused, trying to find the right words. But she didn’t need to finish her sentence.

“C.J., I didn’t propose to you because you’re pregnant,” Danny assured her, pulling her a little closer. “I got the ring two days after we moved here.” He remembered C.J. had laughed then, her big, loud laugh but now, so many years later, he had almost forgotten what it sounded like.

This was also the house where Annabelle had taken her first steps, trying to make her way towards C.J. on the living room carpet. She had stumbled but C.J. had been there to catch her. And it was the house where her water had broken in the middle of a rainstorm and she had to give birth right there, in their bathtub because it wouldn’t have been safe to drive to the hospital. Danny remembered holding C.J.’s hand, telling her everything would be all right when in reality he had no idea if it would be. He had been so scared of losing her then. Little did he know, five years later he would hold her hand in a hospital room while all life left her body.

A small knock on the door ripped Danny out of his thoughts.

“Daddy?” Annabelle said before sticking her head into the room. “I think Uncle Josh is here.” Danny smiled at her and got up.

“We better go say hello then, don’t you think?” he said as he picked her up and carried her into the living room. He put her down and opened the door right as the doorbell rang. He was met by Donna, dressed in black, as if she was still in mourning with Josh standing behind her in his best suit. Normally, Danny would have teased him about the fact that it was way too big for him but he really wasn’t in the mood today.

“Hey Danny,” Donna said. She spoke quietly as if she was afraid he might break if she raised her voice just a little. Danny put on his best smile for her and hugged her.

“Hey Donna.” She pulled away quickly, making room for Josh. The two men embraced before John ran between them, hugging Josh’s waist.

“Uncle Josh,” he squealed. Josh smiled brightly and bent down to pick up his godson.

“Hey there little man,” he said and messed up John’s hair. Annabelle came running after John and threw herself at Donna.

“Auntie Donna,” she exclaimed happily as Donna hugged her tightly. Georgie stood shyly behind Danny and waited for Annabelle to release his favorite aunt from her embrace. When Donna let Annabelle go, Georgie carefully stepped forward and held out his plastic dinosaur to her.

“Look what I got for my birthday.” Donna took the dinosaur from him, inspecting it carefully.

“That’s very cool,” she said. “What’s its name?”

“C.J.,” Georgie said proudly. “Like Mommy.” He smiled to himself as he took the dinosaur back and held it close.

“Yeah,” Donna agreed. “Like your mommy.” She gently stroked his cheek before standing up next to Josh. “All right, Danny. Are the tiny people ready to go?”

“I don’t know, ask the tiny people,” Danny said.

“Are you ready, tiny people?” Donna asked, looking at the three kids.

“We're not tiny,” Annabelle insisted, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Right. Sorry. Are you ready, _big_ people?” Donna corrected herself. All three kids nodded.

“I’ve even put my shoes on,” John said and stuck out his foot.

“Well done,” Josh said and gave him an awkward thumbs up. Danny wondered when Josh would ever be comfortable around kids and not look at Donna for what to do whenever one of them asked him a question. Danny handed each of the kids their jackets and took the dinosaur from Georgie.

“So we’ll just meet you there in…,” Josh looked at his wrist watch. “An hour?” Danny nodded.

“Yeah, sounds good.” Josh held one kid in each hand and started walking back towards the car. Annabelle followed closely behind but Donna stayed with Danny for a moment. She reached out and took his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“We all miss her, Danny,” she said. “Every day.” Danny squeezed her hand back and smiled sadly at her.

“I know you do,” he told her.

“Not just me. Josh talks about her all the time. He might not show it, but I think he misses her more than any of us. Well… not more than you, of course.” Danny squeezed her hand and offered her a soft smile.

“Thank you for being here,” Danny said and looked over her shoulder to see Josh help the kids into the car. “Please don’t let Josh kill the kids.”

“I’ll try my best,” Donna assured him. She smiled at him one last time before making her way back to Josh. Danny stood and watched the car drive away before going back inside and getting ready to leave as well.

After a few minutes, Danny left the house. It would be a half an hour walk but Danny didn’t mind the fresh air. As he walked through their neighborhood, Danny remembered the first time they had taken the twins for a walk after C.J. had gotten home from the hospital. He recalled holding C.J.’s hand and not being able to take his eyes off the two small children lying side by side in their stroller. Their neighbors had come out to say hello to the twins and congratulate C.J. and Danny. C.J. had lifted Annabelle up and taken her tiny hand, making her wave at everyone. Now, Annabelle was big enough to wave on her own and C.J. wasn’t there to hold her anymore.

Danny reached the beach sooner than he thought he would. It was quiet and not nearly as crowded as he had expected. He walked over to the small pile of stones where he and C.J. used to sit to watch the sun go down. Danny traced the edge of one of the stones with his foot as he looked out upon the water.

“Hey,” he whispered. “It’s me.” He knew she wasn’t there, knew she couldn’t hear him, yet he still liked to pretend she could. This was where C.J. had told him she was pregnant the first time around. The sun had gone down and they were huddled closely together when C.J. whispered; "I'm pregnant." 

Danny had looked at her like she was insane.

"Sorry what now?" he asked, his mouth hanging open.

"I'm pregnant," C.J. repeated. Danny had kissed her then since, completely at a loss for words.

But this was also where they had shattered part of her ashes. The other half was buried in Dayton, next to her mom. One day, Danny thought they might all move there so the kids could be closer to C.J.’s family. But he couldn’t bring himself to deal with that thought just yet. Danny sat down on one of the bigger stones. “I can’t believe it’s been a year. We miss you. All of us. Annabelle reminds me of you more and more every day. And Georgie often asks about where you are and how you’re doing. I never know what to tell him. You would. You’d know just what to say. You always did. When I tormented you with questions in the briefing room, you always had an answer and when the kids asked question after question you’d reply patiently every time.” Danny laughed when he thought about the many nights where they’d have dinner and all three kids would ask them about what happened to the dinosaurs or if God was real or if dogs spoke to each other. “They’ll be here soon. Josh and Donna are bringing them. I just needed a few minutes alone with you. I miss you so much. You’d probably laugh at me and say I’m being stupid. But sometimes I just don’t know what to do without you. I just wish you were still here. That’s all I want, really. Just to hold you again. Just once.” Danny blinked a few tears away and looked up at the sky. “Where’d you go, C.J.?” No answer came. The only sound was the wind and the waves crashing against the sand. He sat like that for a while, just looking out onto the water, until he heard tiny voices behind him. For a split second he thought he heard C.J. laugh but when he turned around, he saw that it was only Annabelle, laughing at something Josh had said. Donna had Georgie in her arms and even from a distance, Danny could see the little boy was talking very passionately about something and Donna was politely nodding along, occasionally asking a question. Josh was walking with the twins, one in each hand, and he seemed a little more relaxed around them than he had earlier today. When she saw Danny, Annabelle let go of Josh’s hand and ran towards him, flinging herself into his arms.

“How’s my girl?” Danny asked as he picked her up.

“We had ice cream,” she whispered. She didn’t actually have to tell him since there was still some of it stuck to her cheek.

“Did you now?” Danny asked, eyebrows raised. Annabelle nodded eagerly.

“But Uncle Josh told me not to tell you so pretend you don’t know.”

“Gotcha.” Danny put her down on the sand to say hello to everyone else. “Have they been good?” he asked.

“Very,” Donna assured him. “Meet us by the café over there later?” she asked then, taking Josh’s hand.

“Sure. We’ll find you,” Danny told her.

“Can I just… I just need a moment,” Josh said and let go of Donna’s hand. He made his way towards the water and picked up a small seashell. They all stood and watched as he put it in his pocket. “C.J.?” he said quietly. “You better be kicking ass wherever you are.” Josh kicked the sand and turned around again and walked back to Donna, his hand immediately reaching for hers. Danny could see there were tears in both their eyes and he was having trouble keeping it together himself. Josh and Donna walked away quietly, and Danny turned his attention back to the children. He sat down with Georgie in his lap and Annabelle on one side of him, John on the other.

“Daddy, why are we here?” Georgie asked but Annabelle cut in before Danny could answer.

“It’s where we scattered Mommy’s ashes, remember?”

“Oh,” Georgie said and looked down at his hands.

“I miss you, Mommy,” John said quietly and scooted a little closer to Danny.

“Me too,” Annabelle whispered. “Do you think she can hear us?” His daughter looked at Danny with those big eyes of hers and he didn’t have the heart to tell her that he didn’t know if C.J. was listening.

“I think the most important part is that you believe she can,” he told her. Annabelle nodded and played with her goldfish necklace.

“Mommy, did you see me play the piano at school last week. I got flowers and everything,” Georgie said proudly. “I played that piece you like so much.” Danny pulled Georgie a little closer and kissed the top of his head.

“He was really good,” Annabelle agreed. “People even stood up and clapped at the end.” Georgie had loved music ever since he knew what it was. He had started playing piano when he was three and hadn’t stopped since then. C.J. had loved to listen to him play but Georgie hated when she watched him practice. So C.J. would stand on the other side of the door, her ear pressed against it and listen carefully to her son playing. And every time Danny walked by, she would shush him and tell him to go away. After C.J. died, the piano had been left untouched for weeks until one day, Danny was sitting in his study when he heard the familiar sound of Gerogie's practicing. 

“And _I_ wrote a poem and Miss Blaire said it was really good and made me read it in front of the whole class,” John said proudly.

“Tell her what it was about,” Danny suggested. John looked a bit unsure for a moment.

“We were supposed to write about someone we love,” he said, his voice barely more than a whisper. “And I wrote about you.” Danny put his arm John and pulled him a little closer.

“It was a beautiful poem,” Danny told him. John’s face turned red and he looked down at his hands.

“And _I_ got an A in my math exam,” Annabelle began. “And we’re talking about spaceships in science and it’s soooooo cool. I love it. We watched this really cool movie about the people who went to the moon and now I want to go there too. Daddy says I’m not allowed to go until I’m eighteen, but I don’t think I can wait that long. You would let me go now, wouldn’t you, Mommy?” Danny laughed and messed up Annabelle’s hair.

“She definitely would not,” Danny assured her.

“Daddy?” Georgie asked then.

“Yeah?”

“Do you think about Mommy a lot?”

Danny stroked a bit of hair out of Georgie’s face.

“I think about her every day. And I miss her. But I see her in your eyes and John's smile, and I hear her in Annabelle’s laugh. She’s in all of you.”

“So… she never left. Not really,” Annabelle stated.

“No. Not really.” Annabelle cuddled a little closer to Danny and put her head on his chest. They sat like that for a while until they finally made their way back towards Josh and Donna. The rest of the day went by relatively uneventful. They walked along the beach and Josh did silly voices to make the kids laugh. When they got home, Donna sat down on the living room floor with Georgie and made his stuffed animals talk while Josh helped Danny out in the kitchen. The twins hid in John’s room, hoping that no one would ask them to help out with anything. And all of the sudden the doorbell rang, and the former president and first lady were in Danny's house.

“Nana!” Georgie exclaimed and practically jumped out of Donna’s lap as he ran towards Abbey Bartlet. 

“Nana and Pops are here?” Danny heard Annabelle yell as she came running out of her room. She nearly slipped as she came around the corner and ran straight into Jed, her arms wrapping around his waist.

“Hello there,” Jed said and stroked the girl’s hair. John came out of his room in a more civilized way but when Abbey opened her arms to hug him, he didn’t hesitate for one moment.

“How is everyone?” Jed asked the children. All three gave him a big thumbs up. Georgie took Abbey’s hand and tried to drag her towards where Donna was still sitting, surrounded by about thirty teddies.

“Auntie Donna and I are playing with my teddies. She can make them talk,” Georgie said.

“Can she now?” Abbey asked. “That’s very impressive.” The former first lady let herself be pulled across the room and sat down next to Donna on the floor with Georgie in her lap.

“Abbey, you really don’t have to-” Danny began but Abbey dismissed him, waving her hand and picking up a giant blue shark. Annabelle and John started talking to Jed at the same time, speaking over each other and telling him all about their day. “Well, I’ll get dinner ready,” Danny said and disappeared into the kitchen. Josh followed shortly after and helped him set the table.

“Where’re the kids?” Danny asked as he got the plates out of the cupboard and handed them to Josh.

“They’re with Sam and Ainsley,” Josh explained.

“Bet they’re loving that.”

“Oh, you have no idea. They love it.” They were silent for a moment while Danny put the food on the table. “Hey, Danny?”

“Yeah?”

“She’d be really proud of the kids. They’re amazing,” Josh said, not meeting Danny’s eyes. "And Annabelle? She's like a mini C.J.. That kid can _talk_."

Danny laughed at Josh's observation. 

"There're really amazing kids, Danny."

“Yeah. They’re all C.J..” 

“I don’t think that’s quite true,” Josh laughed.

“Well… mostly,” Danny chuckled. “Speaking of which- I better go get them.”

When they were all sat down around the table, it almost felt like they had never been apart. Danny talked to Abbey about his new book and Jed was telling Josh and Annabelle all about _Galileo 5_. Although Josh seemed to be half asleep and only Annabelle was really listening. Georgie was poking his chicken and John sat quietly and listened to the grown-ups talk. Suddenly Donna cleared her throat and carefully tapped her glass with her knife. Everyone fell silent. Donna seemed almost a little uncomfortable with everyone’s attention directed at her but she sat up a straighter and took a deep breath.

“Josh and I have something we’d like to tell you,” she said. “First of all, we know that this has been a difficult year for everyone but we’re so proud of you, Danny, and of you three kids. C.J. would be so incredibly proud of you.” Donna’s voice broke and she had to take a breath before continuing. “A week ago, I found out that I’m pregnant. Again.” This was followed by gasps from everyone around the table and Abbey reaching over to take Donna’s hand. “That isn’t all. Josh and I talked and… we would like to name the child C.J.. Claudia Jean if it’s a girl and well… something else if it’s a boy. We didn’t get that far. But only if it’s all right with you, Danny. If not, we totally get it.” Danny didn’t know what to say so he just nodded, blinking the tears away.

“Of course. Of course, you can. She would have loved that,” he said.

“ _Thank you_ ,” Donna mouthed from across the table, tears now rolling freely down her cheeks.   
Danny sat and watched for a moment as Jed and Abbey got up from their seats to congratulate Josh and Donna. He knew they’d never forget C.J.. She would always be with them. It didn’t matter where she was now. She was with all of them. She always would be.

**Author's Note:**

> Yay, you made it to the end!! I hope you liked it even if it broke your heart. It certainly broke mine so we can live in pain together. Comments are always appreciated :)


End file.
